the Wry Baby Blog

Our resident “infant mentalist”, Mysterio Predicts (creator of his own line of novelty baby clothes) has expanded his powers of predicting childrens’ futures to predicting what people of all ages are getting for Christmas! For FREE even! He’s been at it on the wrybaby.com home page for only a couple of days and already over 3500 visitors have flocked to have their holiday gifts predicted. Some early users have reported that they will be expecting things like waterbeds, unicycles, nude self-portraits and even a “lifetime of drama” from friends, co-workers and family.

What will do YOUR friends and family have in store for you this season? Find out NOW! Only at wrybaby.com, of course.

We have just heard from Mysterio, who went missing nearly three weeks ago on a baby clothes buying trip. He is well and recuperating from a fantastic adventure. An adventure from which he was lucky to escape with his very life! As it happens, he returned with powers more fantastical than before. Mysterio’s account of his strange adventure follow here, along with sketches he made during the ordeal…

I was in the beautiful, romantic city of Chennai, buying cotton for my line of amazing baby clothes when a very small man appeared at my door. He was about 3 feet high with pointy ears and a rather long nose. He smelled of peppermints, hookah smoke and stale Kingfishers. I first thought him a demon from the spirit realm and I quickly attempted to cast him back to Hades through my open window! His squeaky pleas and unfortunate trouser-wetting stayed my hands. He claimed to come from a distant land with supernatural secrets to sell. Secrets that only a most powerful mind may command. He had heard of my future-telling abilities and of the popularity of my baby t-shirt line. It was obvious to him I had both the mental strength and monetary means to possess the powers he peddled. All I had to do is bring my Rupees, and my tremendously powerful mind, to his homeland. I agreed and we immediately headed North by train.

North we traveled. Day after day, week after week. By train, by camel, by small frontier raft and finally by an elaborate, bell bedazzled, dog-driven sled. It was suddenly much colder, this new climate we reached. The large striped post identified this land I’d never seen before: The North Pole. Suddenly, a gang of diminutive men jumped from behind a mountain of frozen water! My guide turned on me and demanded my Rupees, explaining wickedly that they never intended to sell me secrets, but instead desired to steal my very powers of infant mentalism for their leader! They dragged me to a quaint Swiss chalet where I was to be strapped to a machine that would suck the powers from my very head! We entered a workshop and the bulk of my tiny captors left to report to their leader while the largest elf set to the task of dealing with me. We were left alone and the imp who would strip me of my powers was approaching with soiled, thick, gingerbread-smelling leather straps.

I was powerless to prevent myself from being rendered powerless! My puny executioner came forward to strap me to the horrific machine! As he stood on his tiny toes to reach my turbaned pate, I quickly lifted him, attached the electrodes to HIS head and deftly flipped the switch! The machine sprang into action and, before my eyes, it quickly drained him of his life force! It took seconds, but when it was done there was nothing left of him but a small, dehydrated head on a bed of empty clothing. The air was thick with the smell of death and cinnamon sticks. I had to leave before the others returned, but, dressed as I was, I would never make it home in the frozen wasteland In which I was interred. As I made for the exit, I spied a red fur hat on a coat rack that looked warm enough to protect my head at the very least. With no other choice, I grabbed it (and the raisin of a head as a souvenir) and was out the door, commandeering the sled we arrived on. In minutes I was miles away!

I’d escaped the clutches of tiny madmen! It wasn’t until I reached the comforts of my home that I realized what I had. My powers intact, yes, by so much more! The hat holds powers that I could never have imagined! When wearing it, I have the ability to see what children of every age are doing at all times of the day or night! I even know whether they are bad or good. And, miraculously, I can even see what gifts they are to be given to them during their Winter holiday season! This expands my powers well beyond infants and I feel, with practice, I can eventually reach into the minds of adults worldwide! Can I control such powers? What are the consequences of knowing so much?! I will have to wait and see. Visit me at wrybaby.com on November 17, and test this fantastical gift! Then we shall see if Mysterio can predict your holiday PRESENT!

After a thorough search of the package that arrived yesterday, an addtional note from Mysterio was found. We would have found it sooner, but we couldn’t get anyone here to touch the box after authorities removed the head to examine. The letter contains a dire warning that we sort of wish we found yesterday.

It is vital that you do not tell a soul of what you received this day and whatever you do, you MUST NOT publish the contents of this package on the intertube journal we share. ~ Mysterio

Thank you all for the letters and wishes you’ve sent to us regarding Mysterio being, well, missing. For those who don’t know, what began as a week long buying trip to buy cotton for Mysterio’s line of baby t-shirts has resulted in Mysterio’s disappearance. It’s been 3 weeks since his last post and international authorities are scouring the globe to locate him. We were assuming the worst until this morning when we received a very mysterious package from Mysterio himself!

Frankly, this clue to Mysterio’s whereabouts brings up more questions than it answers. Inside a rough, wood crate we found this VERY smelly shrunken head and a frantic note from Mysterio! Here’s what it says:

I do not have much time to explain. Keep the contents of this parcel in a moist towel until I return. But not one of those towelettes that come in those small foil packets as it will be too small and I do not like the perfumes they emit. A regular cloth towel will be best. I am in grave danger as I write. Jiibayaabooz is playing a mighty role in my tribulations and I must conserve all my powers if I am to survvie this ordeal! I must go!

The note is unsigned and local law enforcement has taken a sample of the head to test. We are not sure if this is Mysterio’s head as it’s not only slightly decomposed, but also extremely wrinkly. We will keep you updated on the unfolding Mysterio situation. Again, thank you for your support.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of October 19, 2009 MYSTERIO WAS OUT OF THE COUNTRY ON A BUYING TRIP BUT IS NOW MISSING. LOCAL AND INTERNATIONAL  AUTHORITIES HAVE BEEN ALERTED. PLEASE REPORT ANY TIPS REGARDING HIS WHEREABOUTS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION OF THIS POST. WRY BABY STAFF

Mysterio Predicts is a weekly guest blogger on the Wry Baby Blog. Mysterio’s views are not necessarily endorsed by Wry Baby and Wry Baby is not responsible for any future predictions that may or may not come to fruition.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of October 12, 2009 MYSTERIO IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY ON A BUYING TRIP. IF ANYONE KNOWS THE WHEREABOUTS OF MYSTERIO, PLEASE COMMENT BELOW. WRY BABY STAFF

Mysterio Predicts is a weekly guest blogger on the Wry Baby Blog. Mysterio’s views are not necessarily endorsed by Wry Baby and Wry Baby is not responsible for any future predictions that may or may not come to fruition.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of October 5, 2009 MYSTERIO IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY ON A BUYING TRIP. WE HOPE TO WELCOME HIM BACK NEXT WEEK. WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INTERRUPTION IN SPIRITUAL ADVICE. WRY BABY STAFF

Mysterio Predicts is a weekly guest blogger on the Wry Baby Blog. Mysterio’s views are not necessarily endorsed by Wry Baby and Wry Baby is not responsible for any future predictions that may or may not come to fruition.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of September 21, 2009 Baby is excited to visit the car wash this week. The possibility of meeting a Movie Star or even an Indian Chief is titillating to say the least.

Mysterio Predicts is a weekly guest blogger on the Wry Baby Blog. Mysterio’s views are not necessarily endorsed by Wry Baby and Wry Baby is not responsible for any future predictions that may or may not come to fruition.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of September 14, 2009 Having witnessed the media coverage of adult behavior amidst your country’s Health Care debate, baby is convinced that adults have lost it and it is time for the Baby Revolution. Lock any firearms away, keep sharp objects out of reach and FOX News turned off until this blows over.

Mysterio Predicts is a weekly guest blogger on the Wry Baby Blog. Mysterio’s views are not necessarily endorsed by Wry Baby and Wry Baby is not responsible for any future predictions that may or may not come to fruition.

	Mysterio Predicts the Week of September 7, 2009 Baby assumes that today’s Labor Day holiday is a national celebration of the “labor” that culminated in his/her birth. Babies can be so self-centered, no?

Mysterio Predicts is a special guest and co-contributer to Raising Funny People – The Wry Baby Blog. Wry Baby, makers of funny baby clothes, unique baby shower gifts and fun gifts for new parents bring you Mysterio Predicts every Monday here at wrybaby.com/blog.

To learn more about Mysterio, or purchase Mysterio’s popular baby tee shirts featuring Mysterio’s predictions of your baby’s amazing future, visit Mysterio’s corner of Wry Baby at www.wrybaby.com/mysterio-predicts.aspx. You can write to Mysterio at mysterio@wrybaby.com but be aware that not only is he very busy with his predictions and may not reply right away, he is also kind of a jerk. All the great ones are.