the Wry Baby Blog

We have just heard from Mysterio, who went missing nearly three weeks ago on a baby clothes buying trip. He is well and recuperating from a fantastic adventure. An adventure from which he was lucky to escape with his very life! As it happens, he returned with powers more fantastical than before. Mysterio’s account of his strange adventure follow here, along with sketches he made during the ordeal…

I was in the beautiful, romantic city of Chennai, buying cotton for my line of amazing baby clothes when a very small man appeared at my door. He was about 3 feet high with pointy ears and a rather long nose. He smelled of peppermints, hookah smoke and stale Kingfishers. I first thought him a demon from the spirit realm and I quickly attempted to cast him back to Hades through my open window! His squeaky pleas and unfortunate trouser-wetting stayed my hands. He claimed to come from a distant land with supernatural secrets to sell. Secrets that only a most powerful mind may command. He had heard of my future-telling abilities and of the popularity of my baby t-shirt line. It was obvious to him I had both the mental strength and monetary means to possess the powers he peddled. All I had to do is bring my Rupees, and my tremendously powerful mind, to his homeland. I agreed and we immediately headed North by train.

North we traveled. Day after day, week after week. By train, by camel, by small frontier raft and finally by an elaborate, bell bedazzled, dog-driven sled. It was suddenly much colder, this new climate we reached. The large striped post identified this land I’d never seen before: The North Pole. Suddenly, a gang of diminutive men jumped from behind a mountain of frozen water! My guide turned on me and demanded my Rupees, explaining wickedly that they never intended to sell me secrets, but instead desired to steal my very powers of infant mentalism for their leader! They dragged me to a quaint Swiss chalet where I was to be strapped to a machine that would suck the powers from my very head! We entered a workshop and the bulk of my tiny captors left to report to their leader while the largest elf set to the task of dealing with me. We were left alone and the imp who would strip me of my powers was approaching with soiled, thick, gingerbread-smelling leather straps.

I was powerless to prevent myself from being rendered powerless! My puny executioner came forward to strap me to the horrific machine! As he stood on his tiny toes to reach my turbaned pate, I quickly lifted him, attached the electrodes to HIS head and deftly flipped the switch! The machine sprang into action and, before my eyes, it quickly drained him of his life force! It took seconds, but when it was done there was nothing left of him but a small, dehydrated head on a bed of empty clothing. The air was thick with the smell of death and cinnamon sticks. I had to leave before the others returned, but, dressed as I was, I would never make it home in the frozen wasteland In which I was interred. As I made for the exit, I spied a red fur hat on a coat rack that looked warm enough to protect my head at the very least. With no other choice, I grabbed it (and the raisin of a head as a souvenir) and was out the door, commandeering the sled we arrived on. In minutes I was miles away!

I’d escaped the clutches of tiny madmen! It wasn’t until I reached the comforts of my home that I realized what I had. My powers intact, yes, by so much more! The hat holds powers that I could never have imagined! When wearing it, I have the ability to see what children of every age are doing at all times of the day or night! I even know whether they are bad or good. And, miraculously, I can even see what gifts they are to be given to them during their Winter holiday season! This expands my powers well beyond infants and I feel, with practice, I can eventually reach into the minds of adults worldwide! Can I control such powers? What are the consequences of knowing so much?! I will have to wait and see. Visit me at wrybaby.com on November 17, and test this fantastical gift! Then we shall see if Mysterio can predict your holiday PRESENT!