the Wry Baby Blog

Black Friday is almost upon us and I don’t know WHAT to do! I’ve poured over ALL the circulars (whew!) from Wal-Mart, Target, Rite-Aid and Best Buy and finally decided what my loved ones are getting for the holidays (based, of course, on what’s been discounted the deepest!). I don’t really even know if my wife needs a $3 toaster from Target, but ..it’s only $3 people!!! Who WOULDN’T want a toaster for $3!?

Oh, the choices I’m faced with that make the holidays so stressful! What store will I camp out in front of? Wal-Mart has such a giant parking lot, I’m sure to stake out some nice overnight square footage for me and my shopping posse. But will I get to Best Buy fast enough before they sell through the half-price HD TV I’ve had my eye on since two days ago? I was sure to read the fine print on the second revision of the official double-secret leaked flyer that explained that they’re only stocking 2 of every discounted item. But I don’t believe that for a second! They’re just trying to keep people from getting hurt in the door-opening, blind stampede like last year. But that won’t happen again. They’ll probably have better security or something because they’re still stocking so few of what everyone’s coming for, right?

Anyway, I’m well prepared for all the idiots I’ll be surrounded by. I’ve got my elbows at the ready to jab anyone who thinks they can take what’s rightfully mine (or Granpa Ron’s). I’m here to shop for my loved ones, Dammit! And that Nerf Machine Gun for 70% off is going to be MINE!

I guess in the end you’ve got to make your choices and live with them. The holidays are ALWAYS so stressful anyway, right? Somehow, for some reason, it seems more so every year doesn’t it? I guess that’s just a sign of the times and there’s nothin’ you can do about it. I’d better just finalize my strategy and hope for the best. After all, I’ve got to get started on my Day-After-Christmas battle plan!

Just a friendly reminder, folks, that there’s a way to keep out of the Black Friday trap. Visit your local Mom & Pop (like Suburban Martini, pictured above. On the right, of course). You’ll find a truly unique gift for everyone on your list, help your community and have a quiet, happy holiday. Use the wrybaby.com super-deluxe STORE FINDER to find a fun, special shop in YOUR neighborhood.

Monrovians REJOICE! For you are in possession of a truly unique shopping experience in Suburban Martini. Sure, they carry our fun baby clothes, but they also carry a wealth of one-of-a-kind goodies made by local talent. If you’re in the L.A. area, you owe it to yourself to point your hood ornament in Suburban Martini’s direction for some fun finds! Oh, and tell Kelly we said, “Hi”!

Suburban Martini
113 E Olive Ave Monrovia, CA 91016 – suburbanmartini.com – 626.358.1315
Mon-Thur 10-6 Fri 10-9 Sat 10-6 Sun 11-5

Locally Known For:
“We are known for having tons of local artists work, fun funky goodies (such as Wry Baby), and having the world most adorable shop dog (Miss Daisy May).”

Editor’s Note: We didn’t strong arm Kelly for the mention. Honest.

3 Favorite Non-Baby Gifts in the Shop:
Crazy Cat Lady action figure, super yummy locally made candles, ALL of our shiny jewelry!

Favorite Wry Baby Thing:
Mysterio Predicts tees

Why Wry Baby Loves Suburban Martini:
Did you see the photo above? How CUTE IS THAT? Also we like that ‘Martini is on Olive Avenue and not on Onion Ball Boulevard.

——————————————-

Shops that carry Wry Baby aren’t necessarily “baby stores”. They’re super-unique Mom and Pops who carry a some of the funnest gifts and accessories you ever laid eyes on. Do yourself a favor and check out our STORE FINDER to find a cool store in YOUR area. When you visit, tell ‘em Wry Baby said, “Hey!”.

Our resident “infant mentalist”, Mysterio Predicts (creator of his own line of novelty baby clothes) has expanded his powers of predicting childrens’ futures to predicting what people of all ages are getting for Christmas! For FREE even! He’s been at it on the wrybaby.com home page for only a couple of days and already over 3500 visitors have flocked to have their holiday gifts predicted. Some early users have reported that they will be expecting things like waterbeds, unicycles, nude self-portraits and even a “lifetime of drama” from friends, co-workers and family.

What will do YOUR friends and family have in store for you this season? Find out NOW! Only at wrybaby.com, of course.

We have just heard from Mysterio, who went missing nearly three weeks ago on a baby clothes buying trip. He is well and recuperating from a fantastic adventure. An adventure from which he was lucky to escape with his very life! As it happens, he returned with powers more fantastical than before. Mysterio’s account of his strange adventure follow here, along with sketches he made during the ordeal…

I was in the beautiful, romantic city of Chennai, buying cotton for my line of amazing baby clothes when a very small man appeared at my door. He was about 3 feet high with pointy ears and a rather long nose. He smelled of peppermints, hookah smoke and stale Kingfishers. I first thought him a demon from the spirit realm and I quickly attempted to cast him back to Hades through my open window! His squeaky pleas and unfortunate trouser-wetting stayed my hands. He claimed to come from a distant land with supernatural secrets to sell. Secrets that only a most powerful mind may command. He had heard of my future-telling abilities and of the popularity of my baby t-shirt line. It was obvious to him I had both the mental strength and monetary means to possess the powers he peddled. All I had to do is bring my Rupees, and my tremendously powerful mind, to his homeland. I agreed and we immediately headed North by train.

North we traveled. Day after day, week after week. By train, by camel, by small frontier raft and finally by an elaborate, bell bedazzled, dog-driven sled. It was suddenly much colder, this new climate we reached. The large striped post identified this land I’d never seen before: The North Pole. Suddenly, a gang of diminutive men jumped from behind a mountain of frozen water! My guide turned on me and demanded my Rupees, explaining wickedly that they never intended to sell me secrets, but instead desired to steal my very powers of infant mentalism for their leader! They dragged me to a quaint Swiss chalet where I was to be strapped to a machine that would suck the powers from my very head! We entered a workshop and the bulk of my tiny captors left to report to their leader while the largest elf set to the task of dealing with me. We were left alone and the imp who would strip me of my powers was approaching with soiled, thick, gingerbread-smelling leather straps.

I was powerless to prevent myself from being rendered powerless! My puny executioner came forward to strap me to the horrific machine! As he stood on his tiny toes to reach my turbaned pate, I quickly lifted him, attached the electrodes to HIS head and deftly flipped the switch! The machine sprang into action and, before my eyes, it quickly drained him of his life force! It took seconds, but when it was done there was nothing left of him but a small, dehydrated head on a bed of empty clothing. The air was thick with the smell of death and cinnamon sticks. I had to leave before the others returned, but, dressed as I was, I would never make it home in the frozen wasteland In which I was interred. As I made for the exit, I spied a red fur hat on a coat rack that looked warm enough to protect my head at the very least. With no other choice, I grabbed it (and the raisin of a head as a souvenir) and was out the door, commandeering the sled we arrived on. In minutes I was miles away!

I’d escaped the clutches of tiny madmen! It wasn’t until I reached the comforts of my home that I realized what I had. My powers intact, yes, by so much more! The hat holds powers that I could never have imagined! When wearing it, I have the ability to see what children of every age are doing at all times of the day or night! I even know whether they are bad or good. And, miraculously, I can even see what gifts they are to be given to them during their Winter holiday season! This expands my powers well beyond infants and I feel, with practice, I can eventually reach into the minds of adults worldwide! Can I control such powers? What are the consequences of knowing so much?! I will have to wait and see. Visit me at wrybaby.com on November 17, and test this fantastical gift! Then we shall see if Mysterio can predict your holiday PRESENT!